Back to school

Tomorrow this sweet little baby goes to grade 3. When he was this small, I looked ahead to grade 3 and had high hopes for how things would be. It seemed like a lifetime away but now here we are and things are much different than I imagined. Oh how I wish I could hold that cute chubby baby. He cried a lot back then and we thought he was colicky but now I look back and realize he was just being Landon. I miss the days when calming him was as easy as rocking him back and forth near the loud hood fan in the kitchen. I thought he was difficult then but I had no idea how difficult things would actually become. 

A lot of the moms that I know feel a sense of sadness when summer comes to an end and it's time for their children to head back to school. I don't share those feelings. Summer break is hard on us. I count down the days to back to school and tonight it feels like Christmas Eve. I've even daydreamed of some sort of summer break advent calendar that has a glass of wine in it each night. I'm pretty sure they would sell like hot cakes. 

This summer has been great in a lot of ways, as we've had success with some camping and had a few small trips with  Landon that went well. However, I can safely say that things have never been as hard as they are now. It seems that he has regressed in some areas and his patience is very small. His temper is quick and explosive. I can be kissing his unbelievably soft cheeks one minute and then 10 minutes later be hit so hard across the face that I think he's broken my jaw. He's always had an aggressive streak in him but it's been so intense lately that we are pretty sure it's a side effect of his medication. We (us and a mental health Dr from children's hospital) are trying to figure that all out but it takes time. Thankfully he's not violent towards anyone else but me. It's exhausting but I know that Landon doesn't mean to hurt me, he just can't control himself. He's so sad when it's over and my heart breaks for him and the inner turmoil he must feel. I struggle with sharing how hard he is on me. I hate the idea of people thinking badly of him. I just love him so much.

I'm thankful that he still has the best sense of humor and can bring me so much joy in one minute to make up for all the other crap in the day. I am confident that it won't be like this forever and I'm still completely trusting that God has big plans for Landon's life. Right now though, I am over the moon that tomorrow he goes to school. So if someone could create that back to school wine calendar before next summer, that'd be great.