Going away

Last weekend Jason and I went away to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. It was an incredible four days away and we felt blessed beyond words. 

I was a wreck for the few days before going though because I was so worried about leaving Landon. I wasn't worried about Adrianah because she knew exactly why we were going and she understood that we would be back in a few days. The communication barrier between us and Landon is definitely getting smaller but it is still very difficult to explain situations to him. I was worried sick (literally, I felt like barfing) at the thought of him not knowing why I wasn't coming home. People kept asking me if I was excited to go away and I couldn't say yes. I was more concerned about him than I was excited for the break and time with my husband. For years Jason and I talked about going to Jamaica or somewhere tropical for our tenth, but when it came down to it-I didn't want to leave for longer than 3 nights. We've only ever been away from the kids for two nights together. Jason has gone away many times on work trips so the kids are used to him being away sometimes, but I rarely go away overnight. I wasn't worried that the kids wouldn't be taken care of while I was away, we were leaving them with family that love them very much and that our kids love in return. I knew they would be in good hands but I couldn't shake the feeling that I didn't want to leave. The day before we left I was thinking about how other parents can leave their kids for a week every year and I was freaking out over a measly 4 days! What was my problem?! Then I figured it out. I was placing my own abandonment issues onto Landon and the thought of him feeling like I was abandoning him made me bawl my eyes out. So I prayed about it, because that's all I could do. Oh and I wrote out an excessively long list for the babysitters.

 We had asked our family (thank you, thank you family!) to each take a day/night at our place to make it easier on Landy. I wanted them to all be on the same page when communicating to him when we would be back. He does well with the 'First-Then' strategy so I knew he would best understand if everyone told him- "First Grandma Holly on Thursday, then Auntie Anne and Uncle Canaan on Friday, then Grandma Patsy on Saturday, then Mommy and Daddy come home on Sunday". He's good at remembering what comes next so he was expecting the babysitter shift change each day.  

When it came time for us to leave my mom was doing her best to ease my mind and Jason was being patient with me as I nervously ran around the house making sure everything was in order. I hugged and kissed Landy goodbye (Adrianah was at school) and we drove away. I cried for about 10 minutes but Jason prayed I would have peace and from that moment on I was able to relax and trust that they would be fine. 

I was mostly concerned about the mornings and was hoping that Landon wouldn't wake up too early and that he wouldn't get upset when it wasn't Mommy or Daddy's voice that would say good morning. On our first morning Jason and I slept in until 10:15 which hasn't been done in years! My mom called shortly after we woke up to tell us about the amazing morning they were having. Landon got up at 7:30! Even Adrianah knew how much of a miracle that was because when Landon happily greeted the two of them she said to my mom "That must have been God!". Hearing that really put my mind at ease and Jason and I had an amazing time together. 

We explored Botanical Beach and were amazed at the sea life that were in the potholes. We enjoyed an awesome lunch at a middle of nowhere restaurant and just had fun doing things we never do. In the evening we got all dressed up, met up with a local photographer and did an unofficial vow renewal on the beach. It was sunny all day but the clouds rolled in and we had stormy weather during our entire photo shoot. At first I was disappointed that we wouldn't have the sunset but the stormy scene was absolutely perfect for us. We stood there in the (cold) wind with crashing waves and grey skies and shared our hearts with one another. It was so appropriate for us because if I were to sum up the last decade in weather terms, I would say it was thunder showers with a few sunny breaks. We were both nervous about having our pictures taken (because we are awkward) and to have someone there while we read our letters to each other but it was the highlight of our weekend. These 10 years have not been easy and there were times we weren't sure we would make it. I feel blessed that we are still able to look at each other in the middle of a storm and feel more love now than ever before. We know it's not going to be blue skies from here on out but with God's help I look forward to celebrating in another 10 years. Maybe by then I'll be able to go away for 5 nights. 

Oceans- Hillsong United